Tag Archive: dating

You would think that by me writing this, that I am the one confessing to screwing up a friendship that had lasted 15 years, when in fact, I am the one who severed the friendship after once again being slapped in the face by her for the last time. My last few blogs have been about being broken hearted and giving a life lesson about listening to your gut feeling. This blog goes along with those.

It started a few days ago. I showed her my blog about being broken hearted and she kind of lashed out at me and a bit upset about it and not in the ‘oh i am sorry’ type of way, more in the ‘wtf’ kind of way. She started to defend herself with some of the things I had said in the blog (ex: part where I said her mom probably won’t like him since she doesn’t like anyone she dates), she came back and mentioned how her mom actually likes him. So yeah, she was defensive. She of course, can’t see that it was written by someone who’s heart she had broken. She also goes on to claim it wasn’t her fault. Once again, very defensive. While yes, I did know about her current boyfriend and that she started to see him, she didn’t exactly let me down easily or even at all, she just stopped everything all together. In fact, she was still willing to do things with me (and I am more talking the sexual things than just hanging out) all while dating her current boyfriend. I am the one who said I wasn’t going to let her screw up things with her boyfriend. The reason was actually more for me because I knew it would hurt me more by doing things with her in that manner. For instance, we had a spanking chart. I would get a star for something I did (won’t go into details). Well, Each star represented 2 spanks. I got up to 18 spanks by the time her and her current boyfriend started to date. I told her that I would not be using those while she is dating him, it would be cheating because he believed in monogamy. I might be into Polyamory but I do not condone cheating. Polyamory is about trust, her and him were not entering a poly relationship. Yet, I am the one who is the bad person?

The next day, I get a text from her informing me that I was on a temporary block on Facebook “i do not want to continue to break your heart and make you sad”. When I read this, I thought maybe she was actually taking fault in it. However, issue is, I had already unfollowed her to I didn’t see any of her posts, but could continue to talk. When I told her this, she said “its better this way”. This is what I was thinking at that exact moment *so let me get this straight, you break my heart and when I want to heal myself in my own way, you rather control how I heal it? FUCK YOU!* When I told her my plan and said she should unblock me, she said she would think about it. My last text, which will probably be the last text I send to her was “whatever”.

So, while I am choosing not to be friends with her anymore, she in the end truly ended it by needed to control me, my heart and the situation. I am not someone to be controlled like that. My feeling and emotions are mine to control, not someone else’s. It will be a while before I heal from this… but I know I will and I know I will be a better person in the end.

Well, a few days ago, I wrote a broken hearted blog about a relationship that never could. Well, to update what has been going on, her and I are still dating. We just are going slow. Her mother and brother still don’t feel I am right for her and probably never will. Her and I won’t see each other as much as we probably would like but do what we can though. We have small dates online, such as talk on Facebook while watching the same show or movie, spending time talking about different things. We also text each other a good amount of time. Will it ever progress, who knows. I am not going to think about that as we are taking it one day at a time (stole that from her and I know she is going to be reading this lol.) My heart feels better now 🙂

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