Tag Archive: transgender

National Coming Out Day

National Coming Out Day is a way to show those members of the LGBT community who are hiding that there are plenty of people who will support them and help them in any way possible. I stand here and proudly proclaim being bisexual/pansexual and transgender. I fully came out as bi/pansexual about 10 years ago. Came out fully (except work) as Transgender a year ago and I am not looking back! I will gladly support and help anyone who needs a helping hand.

I have plenty of blogs up talking about my sexuality and my gender identity but that is because I have been getting more comfortable with myself as time goes on. There are plenty of those who struggle every day, whether it is because they feel they are different because they like both males and female, whether they like the same sex or that they might feel that their body isn’t what they feel it should be. I know growing up, I knew at a very early age both my sexuality and that I didn’t belong in a male body. I knew it but did not know what to call it or if I was alone in the world with this issue. I grew up in the 80’s when AIDS really came to the head with people against gay people. On top of that, no one really knew what Transgender was or that people dressed in the opposite sexes clothes because they felt right.

Now a day, mostly because of the internet, there is so much information for the youth to access to help them along the way. However, that is still not enough. When you still have bigots in the world, who would gladly shame you for being who you are and not like them, coming out is still hard. When you hear about a kid or an adolescent comes out to their parents and they kick them out, virtually making them homeless, it sends a bad message to others that they should keep quiet. Things like this is why there is a National Coming Out Day, a LGBT Pride Month (July.. and yes, I changed it from Gay Pride to LGBT Pride because we all have something to be proud about), and programs to help homeless LGBT youths.

So if you know s0me one struggling with coming out, no matter what the reason, give them a hug and let them know you are there for them, no matter what, because usually, that is all they need, to feel welcome and wanted and unafraid.

*note: National Coming Out Day was actually yesterday, October 11th, but I never got a chance to post this.


Coming Out Publicly

About one month ago, I had been looking at two different profiles on Facebook, both my male and my female pages. Unlike here, I kept things separate for a variety of reasons. Then, Bruce Jenner had come out as Transgender and was on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine as her new self, Caitlyn. I was and still am very proud of her for being brave enough to come out publicly and share with the world of who she truly was. That is when the wheels started to turn in my head about still somewhat being in the closet. Granted, everyone knows I am bisexual. Everyone knows that I have multiple partners in my life, both make and female. What a lot of people did not know was about being Transgender. Granted, I never truly hid it. This blog is evident of that. However, not a lot of my friends read this blog, so I knew that they wouldn’t really know. Then, People started to bash Caitlyn Jenner for being Trans. A friend, who is a big LGBT supporter, posted something about her on his Facebook and a few people were bashing Caitlyn in the comments. I tried to comment back, but then realized… how can I truly fight back when I am still in hiding. So, I went onto Daniel’s Facebook and posted something I had actually posted here a few blogs ago


I was scared to death of doing this because I do have family on my friend’s list but at the same time, I don’t care what they think of me. Here is what I wrote: “Yes, I am Transgender. Some people know, some might know…. If you didn’t, now you do. If I lose friends (or even family) over this… have a nice life.” 57 friends have liked it, a lot of comments were posted, all positive, even from some family members, not all though.

Coming out as Transgender allows me to do a lot. Not only do I not have to truly hide in shame about my true self (except at work still… not ready for them to know yet but at the same time, they do not need to know just yet either). It is now also easier for me to fight for Trans Rights as I am standing up for my rights. I am also showing to a younger generation that it is ok to be yourself and not what society says you have to be. I feel like my voice is more powerful coming from a Transgender than someone who hides.

So here is to a new and improved me. Next step, finding a doctor that I can start the process of changing into what I rather be.

Hitting Home

Yesterday, the world lost a great comedian and from what people are saying a all around warm hearted individual, Robin Williams. Unlike a lot of celebrity deaths that I have seen or heard about of the span of my 36 years of existence, this one hit a bit home. You see, Robin Williams took his own life by what seems to be the way of hanging and that did not sit well in me. When I was younger, in my teens to be exact, I had tried to hang myself. Being Transgender for most of your life, knowing you are not what you feel you should be, takes a toll on a young mind. Around the age of 16, I was home alone, very depressed, I was dressed in a bra, panties and pantyhose and looked in a mirror. What did I see? A person who would never be accepted by anyone. That is what I thought at the time. Transgender was not exactly a term many people used back in the 90’s. At the point in my life, I had not yet told anyone I was Transgender (or in the 90’s I would have used the term cross dresser as the term Transgender was not really known or said as much back then). My mother knew I dressed up but she just thought it was a phase and it would pass. I just could not handle it anymore. I decided that I should just end it all, so I didn’t have to suffer anymore. It was late in the evening and my mother worked the graveyard shift, so there was no one home to stop me. So, I got some rope that I used for bondage, tied a noose and proceeded to hang it from a section of my apartment between the kitchen and living room. Once it was all set up, got up on a chair, tucked my ‘clit’ between my legs since I wanted to go out looking more as a female than male, put the noose around me and then tied my hands behind my back. There was no suicide note and I didn’t hesitate to push the chair out from under me.

Well, as you can tell from this blog, it didn’t work. I apparently did not tighten the rope enough to the section of the apartment as it came down. I woke up about 45 minutes later, to a pool of blood as the back of my head hit the stove. My hands were still bound, so I knew I didn’t try to free myself but do not remember much after I pushed the chair out from under me as I blacked out instantly. I eventually called my mother at work and asked her to come home and told her what happened and we went to the ER and I eventually was checked into a mental facility. I got help, though sill didn’t tell anyone about the cross dressing or anything of the sorts but it did help in the long run.

For a very long time after this event, I would cringe at any scene that involved a hanging in movies or television. It got better over time, though still to this day, it still somewhat haunts me, like yesterday, when learning on how Robin Williams died. I am in a better place now though. I am out as both Bisexual (I am actually pansexual but never have been fond of the term) and Transgender. I am more comfortable with myself, which is always a good thing.

In closing, to anyone that is reading this, I do want to say, suicide is not the answer. You might think that you are alone in the world but I can bet that there is at least a dozen if not more people who are going or have gone through the same thing as you might be going through now. There are many resources out there to help you, one being the National Suicide Hotline aka The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). There are usually also some local places that you can go and talk to someone, even without insurance. This is where Google becomes your friend and you can just Google your town or county for mental health councilors.

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